Resources

You may recall that we started out treatment through my Primary Care Physician, and their practice, Rockwood Clinic.They have always done a great job, and we’ve been very satisfied with them over the years. A member of our ward and a good friend, Warren Benincosa, visited the Sunday after the CT scan (Nov. 4th). He is the CEO of Cancer Care Northwest, a full-service, cutting edge cancer center. At this point we did NOT know for sure that there was indeed a mass/tumor in my spleen (and so we certainly had nothing close to a cancer diagnosis), but he recommended that we see one of his doctors – there are several LDS doctors in his practice,and some are nationally known. So, we saw Dr. Holbrook on Tuesday the 6th. 

As we arrived at and sat down at Cancer Care Northwest (the South office on Sherman Ave.), I had an interesting feeling. As I looked around that waiting room, I saw all of these people who were dealing with cancer. Individuals, their spouses and families, etc. all dealing with cancer. Again, I was not diagnosed at that point, and I had a strong sense of feeling “unworthy” to sit amongst these amazing people going through such difficult things. My perception in the past has been that cancer is an awful, horrific disease. Those that have cancer suffer, and go through so much pain. So if we know that Heavenly Father does not give us any adversity that we don’t have the ability to overcome (this is what I believe), He must have an amazing trust for each and every one of these people, dealing with cancer. It was an interesting, humbling feeling.

So, we have continued with our treatment through CCNW. They seem to be an incredible resource, and we feel very blessed to have been hooked up there.

It has been absolutely incredible to have Mom and Dad, and Mindy's Mom and Dad here with us. They have been of IMMENSE help and support. I have no idea how we could have gotten as far as we have without them. Their pitching in with driving kids around, their help with the details of running a family, their smiles, presence, and support have been of inestimable worth. We are so grateful to them. This has been a huge blessing.

The Diagnosis

Officially receiving the diagnosis of cancer has been an interesting thing. First, Mindy and I were talking, and you picture hearing that news in an office, with Dr. across the desk, and it being all dramatic. In my case, Dr. Holbrook just told us after my surgery, as I was waking up (I don't have a memory of this). He knew enough from his experience (eyeballing tumors I suppose) that it was Lymphoma for sure.  

I've read several interesting articles about cancer and lymphoma. We've found that it's useful to first determine if we are emotionally up to all of the reading and research. A lot of reading and research without being ready can have a tendency to create anxiety and worry. Mindy hasn't felt ready for much of that thus far (which is of course totally OK). To some degree reading and researching at this point is pointless as we don't know details as to the diagnosis.

Above all of the physical and emotional pieces of this experience, the spiritual experiences we have had are preeminent in our minds and hearts.

We have of course been on the giving end of prayers and fasting for those in particular need. We have regularly felt the Spirit as we have done this. Never before, though, have we been such a direct beneficiary of so many prayers and so much fasting. At times it has felt embarrassing to be such a central focus of attention in general. Overall though, we have felt an amazing amount of spiritual power and strength from these prayers and this fasting. It’s hard to describe what it feels like. Again, I believe this has been a central reason why this has felt like a spiritual, sanctified, sacred time – because of your prayers and fasting.

Probably of most value to me has been Elder Maxwell's April 1997 talk. I remember that when I first watched the talk (I'm guessing at our studio apartment in Provo around the time it was given), it was impactful to me. You'll recall that it is the talk where he was bald from his chemotherapy treatments as he was dealing with Leukemia (Leukemia and Lymphoma are the two major types of blood cancer). It touched me that he had the strength, commitment, and humility to address the members of the church in those circumstances. And over the years I have always remembered that address...not necessarily the words, but the Spirit I felt from it, and what it meant to me. So, last week Mindy left the hospital for a while to take care of herself and spend a bit of time with the kids. I accessed that talk on my laptop, and it had such a HUGE impact on me as I watched and listened in my hospital bed. As he expressed his feelings, his awe for the atonement, his perspective of mortality and our "fiery furnaces," and his love for his Heavenly Father, his Savior, and for the Holy Ghost, I felt the Holy Ghost so strongly, and I wept. I have watched it several times since then, and it continues to be powerful to me. He expresses what I feel.

Over the last year or so I have learned more about the Atonement particularly by watching/studying addresses by Elder Bednar, and Brother Wilcox. This learning has been so exciting to me, and I have used many, many different settings to share what I have learned about the enabling and strengthening power of the Atonement (a 5th Sunday in our ward, Priests Quorum lessons, a short talk at Girl’s Camp, FHE's, even presentations for work). Well, as Elder Bednar talks about our reliance on strength through the atonement beyond our own natural capacities, this is exactly what I have needed throughout this experience. When we did our 5th Sunday meeting, I invited some brethren to sing this song, and I must have sung that song in my head hundreds of times while in the hospital. At times it was ALL I could do to get by. And I believe this has been a significant reason why I have felt the spirit so strongly throughout this experience. I testify that the Lord teaches us individually line upon line, precept on precept, and in His time. I am so grateful for my deeper understanding of the Atonement, but even more grateful for the opportunity to use the Atonement, and feel strength because of it in my times of need.

So, as I stack up these two things (the difficult nights, painful times, medication side effects, cancer diagnosis, etc. VS. the spiritual blessings and power I/we feel, the calm and peace from relying on the Lord, the knowledge and deeper learning of, perceiving and experiencing and using the atonement, etc.), I have no doubt that the spiritual blessings, etc. outweigh the difficulties. So, when people refer to what we are going through as a “trial,” it just seems like such a weak, unfitting word. To me this has been an experience, and not a trial. I feel very different spiritually, and feel infinitely closer to my Heavenly Father. I would not trade this feeling for anything. I do not know how long it will last, but I hope it lasts for a long, long time.

Elder Maxwell said, “When we take Jesus’ yoke upon us, this admits us eventually to what Paul called the ‘fellowship of [Christ’s] sufferings’ (Philip. 3:10). Whether illness or aloneness, injustice or rejection, etc., our comparatively small-scale sufferings, if we are meek, will sink into the very marrow of the soul.” This is what I have felt.

And it touches me deeply to be in the “fellowship” of those suffering, and also those fighting cancer. Each and every individual has a unique story to tell, and a unique set of feelings and emotions connected to their diagnosis and treatment. I have read a few stories and am touched by the strength people have.  But we are all part of this fellowship.

It was good to take some time to write this...if you wanted a brief update, I apologize. :) I felt a desire to get some of this "on paper." I love each of you so much, and so appreciate your prayers and pleadings in my behalf. 

Home

On Tue, Nov 27, 2012 at 8:11 PM, Brad Reimer wrote:  

So, you all know that I got home this past Saturday afternoon/evening, November 24th. It has felt so good to be home. Being able to touch and hug Mindy and each of the kids has been the most wonderful thing. Those days in the hospital when I wasn't even up to having them visit, and times when they visited but I couldn't hug/snuggle with them were torture--the worst days. My abdomen is obviously still "fragile" now, but being able to really hug and kiss Mindy and the kids has been heaven. And sleeping in the same comfortable bed with Mindy (again, even though we have to be careful) has been awesome also.

Pain is pretty well-managed with Oxycontin every 12 hours, and a Hydrocodone every 4 hours. I'm very grateful for that. Side effects are minimal... but currently sound is kind of "muffled" in my head..that's not a fun side effect. And my current meds also make me somewhat drowsy (not a terrible thing at this point..). Side effects from meds while I was in the hospital were some of the worst parts of it. It was/is difficult to determine best effect, and minimal side effect. That makes me nervous for if/when we might need to have surgery again. It was tricky. I feel "tenderness" where the incision is on my skin, but really only feel real pain when I have to cough or I move wrong or something.

Since I've been home we’ve walked around the block. It feels so good to be outside. Walking has been good.

Hospital - From Brad

Author: Brad

In the hospital they got me up doing some walking on Sunday, November 18th…just two days after surgery.  As I got stronger, walking was and felt better and better.  I started off walking to the next room and back, but got stronger and eventually walked the entire 10^th floor. 

The 2^nd night in the hospital was the worst of the worst. I had severe pain in my abdomen that was not going away. Between the pain and the medication they gave me (they tried Morphine), I was pretty wacky. I don’t remember a lot of it, but I remember being convinced in my head that I was bleeding internally, or that something was going very wrong inside of me. I kept rolling and writhing and don’t remember how I made it through the night. It was terrible.

A night or two later (I don’t remember exactly) I was not in that kind of pain, but I couldn’t sleep. They warn and warn you about getting pneumonia while in the hospital, and so they give you an incentive spirometer to get you expanding your lungs (and they tell you to get up and walk, etc.). Well, doing the incentive spirometer and walking isn’t necessarily fun, and so I was not doing those things as much as I should have (I also experienced a general lethargy—not motivated to do anything). Well, this particular late night I couldn’t sleep, and all I could think of is that I, for sure, had pneumonia and that if I fell asleep that night, I would stop breathing because my lungs would fill with fluid. I remember hearing of people “drowning” because of their own lungs being filled with fluid (don't even know if that's factual...). So I lay awake, terrified of drowning or choking to death. I had those terrifying thoughts for an hour or two.

The other worst thing about the hospital stay was the NG tube. They insert this down through your nose and into your stomach (I was anesthetized when the inserted it...gratefully, I hear).  It was tender and painful in my nose the entire time.  And for me, there was almost a de-humanizing feeling associated with it.  It did not seem small in diameter, and to have it hanging out my nose was difficult for me.  They take that out once your bowels start working again (once you pass gas and have a bowel movement).  It was taken out on Tuesday the 20^th, and I was so grateful.  (A follow-up story is the manner in which the nurse took the tube out..  I was wondering if it would be painful, would I need to exhale to get it out, etc.  She sat down by me, and as she pulled said, “I’m just going to pull.”  That was the only warning/instruction I got!  It was not pleasant…but again, benefit far outweighed cost.)  My right nostril was sore from it for a while.

I also have a JP drain in my abdomen..it is somewhat uncomfortable at times but isn't a big deal. Crazy to think they send you home with a hole in your tummy and a rubber tube hanging out. Dr. Holbrook's office called today and wanted to set up an appt for them to check my JP drain. So, we'll go in for that tomorrow. Perhaps they'll take it out...not sure. They are concerned with the amount of fluid that comes out, as well as a certain level of an enzyme that shows that my pancreas is healing or not healing (as a small piece of my pancreas was removed..).

One thing I didn’t necessarily mention above is how bad the NG tube made my throat hurt.  I don’t know the details of how it is inserted, or where, etc., but the back of my throat just killed.  And it was a catch 22 because I could only get it out when my bowels woke up, but swallowing the ice chips, hard candy,etc. killed.  There were points where I would simply refuse to swallow because it hurt so bad.  I would use suction or spit out saliva to avoid swallowing.

I was obviously motivated to swallow, so that my bowels would wake up and I could get the NG tube out.  So, over time I began to pass gas (I think the hospital is the only place where strangers ask if you have passed gas…then, when you tell them you did, they celebrate! Odd.. :) and had a bowel movement.  And as indicated above, the NG tube was removed.

So, the first step is a “clear liquid” diet.  That includes water, and things like grape juice, apple juice, broths, etc.  (And I could still eat the hard candy, etc.).  Grape juice has never tasted so amazing.  I drank a fair amount of that initially.

So long as you keep those liquids down, and are not nauseated, you progress to a “transitional” diet.  This included things like cream of wheat, soups, jello, pudding, etc.  I had cream of wheat that morning and it tasted lovely!  And for lunch I had mashed potatoes and gravy, buttered noodles, etc. 

Then on to regular foods.  My Thanksgiving dinner was corn, rice, and French fries.  

My appreciation for these simple foods has increased dramatically. I also have noticed that I don’t feel “hunger” like I used to (I don’t know if that is due to a small part of my stomach being removed also). 

I recall very clearly while Mindy was in labor with the kids, particularly at times when she was not on epidural medicine, it was pure and utter torture for me to watch her suffer, and be completely powerless to help her. I’ve told the story before that she did the first part of labor with Jordan without an epidural (trying to do a natural birth), then decided to go ahead with the epidural.  Once she got that medicine in her she was able to relax, and “my Mindy” came back.  At the time I broke down into tears…it was so terrible to watch her in pain, and so wonderful to have her back.

Well, it was an interesting thing to have the tables turned during parts of this ordeal.  That second, horrible night, and other times that were painful and bad, Mindy never left my side.  Even though I could not communicate or interact with her when the pain was intense, I was always conscious of her presence and care for me.  That meant a TON to me…and I’m sure was equally torturous for her.

Throughout my stay at the hospital Mindy took opportunities to rub my feet, rub my back, and/or my shoulders.  She did this without a hint of complaint or burden.  And a couple times during my stay, while I could not bathe or shower, Mindy took the time and tender care to wash me with a wash cloth. Having her by my side throughout this, and the experience of feeling her tenderly wash and clean me in that way has broadened my perspective of our marriage, and has significantly deepened my love for her.  I was deeply touched, and although we were and are unable to be close physically right now, I feel more connected to her today than ever before.  What a blessing in my life.

Hospital - From Mindy

On Tue, Nov 20, 2012 at 9:03 PM, Mindy Reimer <mindyjreim@gmail.com> wrote:

Today was a great day.  Brad is doing well.  Though he had a rough first few days with
figuring out medications, his pain is now managed.  He has been up and walking a few times yesterday and today (and I know my brothers are wondering…without a walker! :) )  He was able to have his NG tube taken out of his nose and throat today, which adds to his comfort and ability to start eating foods (clear liquids to start…it’s crazy how excited we can get about vegetable broth!)   As he continues to rest and work on his recovery, his digestive system will continue to work and they will be able to take out his epidural. Then we will be able to start working on a plan for going home.  Around 7-10 days from surgery is still the plan.

He and I are both extremely grateful for prayers, love, service, and incredible support that has been given.

We love you all.  Enjoy your Thanksgiving with your families!!!

Love,

Mindy

Recovery and Post-Surgery

On Fri, Nov 16, 2012 at 4:52 PM, Mindy Reimer <mindyjreim@gmail.com> wrote:

Hi All,

Brad is in recovery.  We just talked to Dr. Holbrook.  There were three tumors total.  They were able to get all three out.  The spleen was removed (the Dr. said the tumor in the spleen was pretty nasty), along with a portion of his small intestine, a small portion out of his stomach, a small portion of his pancreas, and a small portion of one of his adrenal glands (none of which will affect his general health).  Dr. Holbrook says it does look like lymphoma and that they were able to get all of the tumors.  Future treatment will rely upon the results
from the labs (which we should have in 7-10 days).  He said Brad is doing well and I will be able to see him when he wakes up).  We are grateful for him and his dedication to his profession. We feel incredibly blessed to have him as Brad’s surgeon.

Thanks again for all that you all have done.  We have felt so much strength and peace from our Heavenly Father today.  We are grateful for your love for Brad and for our family.  What peace it gives us to feel our Heavenly Father’s love through you.  We love you.

Love, Mindy

Our Cancer Journey

Author: Brad

On October 28, 2012, a Sunday morning, I woke up with a slight pain/pressure in my lower left abdomen.  I attended my regular morning meetings, serving as our ward's Bishop.  I went throughout the day, thinking it was some kind of gas, or upset stomach.

I went to work the next day, Monday, October 29th, but by the afternoon the pain had increased, and I came home early from work.  I stayed home from work on Tuesday, October 30th (and the rest of the week), and we made an appointment with a Primary Care Physician (my regular doctor, Dr. Amy Anderson, wasn't available, and so the appointment was with Dr. Brenda Durnin).

On Wednesday, October 31st I saw Dr. Durnin.  She didn't have immediate answers, but ordered bloodwork to be done that day (the next day we got results - reportedly nothing abnormal), and an ultrasound for Friday, November 2nd.

On Friday, November 2nd I had an ultrasound there at the Rockwood clinic in Spokane Valley.  This was rather painful, and once the technician finished she had me stick around.  She contacted Dr. Durnin, and she invited me to speak with Dr. Durnin by phone at that time.  Dr. Durnin said that I had an enlarged spleen, and a possible "mass" on/in it, and she ordered a CT scan right away.

Mindy and I waited for about 30 minutes or so.  We Googled, "mass on spleen," but just had no idea what might be going on.  On that same November 2nd day, I had the CT scan.

In the evening of Saturday, November 3rd, my good friends Duane and Sam gave me a Priesthood blessing.  I felt blessed to have the opportunity to have the power of the Priesthood bless and comfort me, and I felt blessed to have such awesome friends.

On Monday, November 5th I again stayed home from work (and the rest of the week also), and on this day Dr. Durnin called indicating that there was indeed a mass in my spleen, and she referred us to Dr. Gregory LaValle, M.D.  We had an appointment with Dr. LaValle that same day. Dr. LaValle had not read the CT scan yet but said he would that afternoon/evening and call us back with results.  He ordered a PET scan, a colonoscopy (I have a paternal aunt that passed away from colon cancer), and referred us to Jay Wittenkeller, M.D., oncologist.

That afternoon we phoned our good friend and member of our ward, Warren Benincosa, who works for Cancer Care Northwest.  He made an appointment for us for the next day with one of their surgeons, Dr. Ryan Holbrook.  On Tuesday, November 6th, we met with Dr. Holbrook.  He showed us the CT scan, and said that there was a tumor in my spleen that was about the size of a softball.  He also saw another tumor on my small intestine.  He invited us to seek out a second opinion, but suggested surgery right away.  He mentioned the possibility of it being cancer, but did not say definitively, and that he could not say definitively without surgery or a biopsy.  We scheduled surgery for Friday November 16th.  Dr. Holbrook also prescribed some pain medication.

Around Nov. 6th or 7th I felt a VERY strong impression that I needed to attend the temple. I was not working at that point, and was doing nothing but pretty much sitting around trying to not hurt.  We scheduled and attended a session on Thursday, November 8th. We were worried as to if I would be able to stand up and sit down, and get around, etc. As I sat in the chair and the session started, I quickly realized that my pain had decreased. I deliberately moved from side to side in my chair, and leaned forward and back…somewhat in disbelief. I stood up and sat down as needed. I realized that my pain was minimal to gone. 

Through the entire session and our stay in the Celestial Room, I felt no pain. It was incredible to me. I began to ask myself questions… “Why?” “What does this mean?” “Does this mean the mass/tumor is gone?” “If I had enough faith, could it be?” “Does this mean the pain was all in my head, and maybe it’s not as bad as I think?” And, “How long will this pain-free comfort last?” I made a conscious decision to not get wrapped up in these questions…I did not feel that much good would come from giving energy to these questions. My take-home message from this experience: I felt a prompting to be in the temple and I followed that. I experienced comfort through the Comforter as strongly as I have ever felt it in my life. The Holy Ghost is real. And, the temple is the place to feel the Comforter. I have a deeper testimony of, and a greater desire to attend the temple because of this experience. It was wonderful.

Also on Thursday, November 8th I was not reacting well to the pain medication I was taking (Tramadol - felt light headed and pressure in my head).  On Friday, November 9th I had my first PET scan.

The week of November 12th I worked from home for a couple days, but took sick leave also that week.  On Tuesday, November 13th Dr. Holbrook said there weren't particular surprises from the PET scan.  On November 13th or 14th I began taking Hydrocodone, and began sleeping fairly well again (as time went by and this fast-growing tumor increased in size, it was more and more painful to lay down, and sleeping became increasingly difficult. Our friends, Chris and Paula, lent to us a recliner chair that I slept in most nights - it was very helpful).

On Thursday, November 15th I began drinking what is called, "Golytely" (I recall a nurse commenting that "go lightly" is NOT a fitting name for this laxative....and she was correct). You drink a glass of this stuff every 30 minutes or so until the container is empty (I swear there was like a ½ gallon of the stuff). You mix in some “flavor” (I chose “orange”) in this stuff and they say drinking it cold is best. Well, the flavor of it wasn’t horrible, but I found that the consistency of it made me want to hurl (it was a bit thick…like kind of “greasy”). It was a nasty drink…but….very effective. I apologize for being graphic...but I was truly cleaned out and ready for surgery on Friday!

In the evening of November 15th, my father and my father-in-law gave me another Priesthood blessing, in preparation for my surgery.  What an amazing blessing to have a father and a father-in-law that can do this for me.

Friday, November 16th we arrived at Deaconess Hospital around 8:30am (eventually both my parents, and Mindy's parents arrived at the hospital - it was awesome to feel their support there).  Eventually Dr. Holbrook showed us the results of the PET scan.  There was a third tumor behind the spleen, possibly attached to the adrenal gland.  I was prepped for surgery in my luxurious gown, etc., and around 12:30pm I was wheeled back to surgery (I remember that a friend, Jannice, was waiting for her husband in a waiting room as I was wheeled by and said, "Nice dress, Bishop!" I laughed out loud, and it was an awesome "tension breaker" that morning - something I won't forget).

They wheeled me into a sterile room and started the anesthesia process.  I remember that the epidural they inserted was somewhat uncomfortable, but that didn't last long - before I knew it "lights were out."  At about 1:30pm a nurse called Mindy to let her know that the anesthesia was done and they were starting surgery.

At about 3:00pm a nurse called Mindy to report that my spleen was out and that Dr. Holbrook was working on my small intestine.  At about 3:30pm the nurse called Mindy to report that Dr. Holbrook was “putting Brad back together,” and it would probably be one more hour.  At about 4:30pm Dr. Holbrook came to talk to Mindy and our parents.  He felt the surgery went really well, and told them that I was in recovery.  The tumor in the spleen was “nasty" from his report, and it tailed into the stomach and the pancreas so minor parts of each of those were taken out.  About 18 inches of the small intestine were removed with the tumor there.  A portion of an adrenal gland was removed with the third tumor.  Dr. Holbrook indicated that it was indeed cancer - lymphoma.  There are different types of lymphoma.