"Maybe, or maybe not."

I've been listening to an audiobook and came across this.  Very valuable and inspirational to me.

------------------------

“He asked, ‘Are you familiar with the concept of equanimity?…Equanimity is the idea that when things are going well, we are at peace. And when things are not going well, we are at peace.  The ideal in a spiritual life is to be at peace with what is, and always react steadily.’ We must have looked dumbfounded. ‘Have you heard the story, ‘Maybe, Maybe not?’ Again, we answered no, so he told it to us. 

“There was a farmer who used a great horse to help him on his farm. One day his horse ran away. His neighbors said to him, ‘Farmer, that is awful!  You lost your horse!’  He replied, ‘Maybe, maybe not.’  Within a few days the farmer was surprised to find that the horse had returned, with three additional wild horses.  The new horses could be quite useful on his farm.  His neighbors marveled at his good fortune, ‘Farmer, you are so lucky! You now own several horses!  You will work so much faster in your fields.’  The farmer replied, ‘Maybe, maybe not.’ The next day the farmer’s son tried to ride one of the wild horses but was bucked, resulting in a broken leg.  The neighbors came to visit the farmer and said, ‘Farmer, this is tragic! Your son cannot walk!’ The farmer replied, ‘Maybe, maybe not.’ Soon an army troop stormed the town, kidnapping all of the town’s young men to press into service in their war. The troop was attacked and all of the town’s young men perished. The neighbors came to the farmer and said, ‘Farmer, you are so lucky!  All of our sons have died, yet you still have yours because he was too injured to go with the soldiers.’  The farmer replied, ‘Maybe, maybe not.’” 

Inconceivable: AMedical Mistake, the Baby We Couldn't Keep, and Our Choice to Deliver theUltimate Gift, by Carolyn Savage

PET Scan Results, Maintenance Chemo Round 2

Just met with Dr. Danko, and am getting my one chemo drug today. I had a PET scan last week and Dr. Danko let us know that it was, "clean as a whistle" (insert Irish Spring sound clip here). We are very grateful for this as we always are. I'm dealing with some other minor chemo-related issues, but overall, all is well physically.

I was telling Mindy as we parked today that coming back here to CCNW for chemo treatment every two months is bizarre for me. I know how to "be sick," and I know how to "be well," but this in-between place is difficult on my brain and emotions. I have enjoyed getting back to work, but there are times when I'm going about my daily tasks and responsibilities at work, and where I have been and what I have been through the last few months settles on me. It is sometimes really weird to be "back to normal." (And then here I am getting chemotherapy again.) My work/job is a great blessing in my life.

I started my LIVESTRONG at the YMCA program for cancer survivors a week ago yesterday. I am very grateful to have this program...I have a strong belief that it will help me significantly with my overall recovery, health, and wellness.

Appt with Dr. Danko, Maintenance Chemo Round 1

I contacted Dr. Danko and he got back to me on June 4th.  He reiterated that there was nothing abnormal on the scan, and indicated that he was awaiting a couple of tests from the blood they took on May 31st.  He said to call him on Friday the 7th.  Around that time the clinic called indicating that my appointment was moved up from June 14th to June 11th, so I just waited to talk with him about things on June 11th. 

We met with him the morning of June 11th.  He recommended I start taking Prilosec a couple times a day for a bit to see if that helped the abdominal pain/discomfort before ordering GI testing.  

After visiting with him I received the one chemotherapy drug I’ve mentioned (Rituximab).  It took a few hours and there were no complications.  Whenever getting chemotherapy (R-CHOP, as well as just this maintenance chemo) they give me some “pre” medications and one of those is Benadryl.  There have been times I have stayed awake but this time it made me very tired and I slept for quite a while.  And again, there are no side effects associated with Rituximab. 

From June 11th to today, the pain/discomfort has decreased…whether it is the Prilosec or not I have no idea.  I have been working in out in the yard, and have been working in the office full time with very few problems.  Things are going very well. 

Mindy and I have discussed it, and we’re not sure how much more we will use this site for updates.  In the event that something of significance occurs, we will certainly let you know.  We love and are so grateful for our family and friends.  Your support, thoughts, and prayers through all of this have made all the difference for me, and for our family.  We will forever be grateful to you.

Pain/Discomfort, Clean CT Scan

On Fri, May 31, 2013 at 10:26 AM, Brad Reimer <mindnbrad@gmail.com> wrote:

Hey All,

Missy texted to see how things were going, so I thought I would just email you all.  About 2 weeks ago I started having this pain that would come and go in my upper/middle abdomen, below my sternum.  It was only about once a day, and lasted for 5 minutes or so.  We figured it was something connected to digestion.  But the last couple of days it has turned from pain to discomfort, and it is pretty much constant now.  It is not disabling pain, but constant discomfort, and certainly not normal.  

So I called Dr. Danko's office yesterday.  The nurse I spoke with talked with him, and he ordered a CAT scan, which I will be getting in about 30 minutes.  We don't really know what to think at this point, but will certainly keep you all updated.  

Our faith in Heavenly Father and His plan for me and for us is unshakeable.

Brad (and Mindy)

-------------------------------------------------

On Fri, May 31, 2013 at 4:36 PM, Brad Reimer <mindnbrad@gmail.com> wrote:

What an interesting day we've had.  Ultimately, we have no real news, which is good....for now...I think. 

We got to the hospital this morning and waited a while before getting into the CT room.  They did the CT scan, and the tech guy said that since there was a "STAT" order on this scan, I needed to wait for a few minutes before they would let me go.  We assumed that meant that they would read or do a preliminary reading of the scan, and communicate with Dr. Danko.  As we sat in the waiting room we could hear the administrative assistant talking to Cancer Care Northwest.  She then came out and told us that CCNW wanted us to go directly over there.  We assumed that this was not good news....why would CCNW have us come over there to tell us the scan was clean?? 

We went over to CCNW and after a while they took my blood to do labs.  We then waited for a LONG time.  As you can imagine we thought a lot about what we might hear, and what that might mean.  We talked a lot about recurrence (to some degree we have expected tihs...but not this quickly...)  After the long wait, one of the nurses called my name, took us into the hallway, and indicated that nothing was found on the scan, and that Dr. Danko wanted me to stay on a clear liquid diet for 24 hours (to "give my gut a rest") and then call him. 

We're not sure what to think.  We're of course glad that nothing was found on the CT scan.  We obviously want to figure out what the pain/discomfort is all about.  And we were very confused by how this all happened today. 

We love each of you, and so appreciate your love, prayers, and concern for us. 

Brad (and Mindy)

Update - Back to Work, Church

Things have gone well since my last update.  Most days I’ve been feeling pretty good.  I get the occasional pain in my abdomen, and I seem to have some sort of rash we may need to check on, but things are going well.  I think my hair is just starting to grow back a little.

As I’ve spent time mowing the lawn, doing other yard work, playing soccer with the kids, etc. I get very tired and my muscles get and seem to stay perpetually sore.  I think all of this is normal, though I have no idea how long it will last.  It is something I can definitely deal with.

I’ve been able to work 5 hours (my limit while on disability) for most days the last few weeks and things have gone well there.  We had Dr. Danko sign paperwork, and I have been cleared and approved to start back at work full time tomorrow.  This will be another
interesting transition, but one I look forward to.  One thing I don’t look forward to is being away from home more.  While I know I’ve been sick, and recently healing, I have enjoyed spending more time with Mindy and the kids very much.  I will miss that.  Wednesday I head north almost to the Canadian border to assist a couple of prospective adoptive couples.

I’ve been able to attend church regularly again, which has been very nice.  I have missed my ward family very, very much through this experience.  I was able to teach the lesson in High Priests Group on the 4th Sunday the last couple months, and yesterday was sustained and set apart as an instructor in the High Priests Group.  I am very excited for this.  And I’ve been well enough finally to visit the families/individuals that Jordan and I have stewardship over…I have missed this a lot too and I’m glad to be able to engage in hometeaching again.  Jordan has continued to be a great hometeacher, and Brendan has been so good to step in
for me most of the time since I’ve been unable.  I appreciate these boys.

I recently read this from President Gordon B. Hinckley: “I urge you to lift your heads and walk in gratitude. Spare yourselves from the indulgence of self-pity. It is always self-defeating. Subdue the negative and emphasize the positive. Count your blessings and not your problems” (“Ten Gifts from the Lord,” Ensign, November 1985).  This is valuable counsel for me.

Post-Scan Update

The week of April 21st was a good week.  As I indicated in my April 24th update, initially I felt very strong and Mindy and I started walking.  That week we did a 2-mile walk a couple/few times.  But as the week progressed I felt more and more tired and fatigued.  This week has been much the same…more tired and fatigue, though I’ve been able to work several hours at the office throughout the week.

This past Wednesday I had another PET/CT scan.  The all-protein diet wasn’t nearly as
difficult to deal with this time for some reason, and everything with the actual scan went fine.

We had an appointment with Dr. Danko this morning, where he was able to let us know that this scan again was completely clean.  We more or less suspected this, but again we
have learned enough to know not to EXPECT anything.  Needless to say, we were and are
THRILLED.

In my April 12th update I indicated, “The general plan after the PET/CT scan is that I will receive Rituximab (the 'R' in R-CHOP) for maintenance every 6 weeks or so for the next couple years.  This drug alone does not have the harsh effect on the body that R-CHOP has so that will be good.  And I will have PET/CT or CT scans every few months.”

This is indeed the plan, but I will get Rituximab every 2 months, for 2 years.  This maintenance chemotherapy is due to the Follicular component in my diagnosis.  And again, Dr. Danko indicated today that I should not notice any side effects from Rituximab.

So, now comes the process of continuing to heal and repair my body.  I don’t know how long it will take to feel physically “normal,” but I will continue to work on it.

We feel very, very blessed.

The Spring 2013 edition of BYU Magazine features an article about Clayton M. Christensen, a BYU alum, successful businessman, and public speaker.  He expressed some things that I can very much relate with.  He was diagnosed with lymphoma and underwent chemotherapy in 2010.  The article expresses, “Now finished with chemotherapy and in remission from his lymphoma, Christensen has emerged with some takeaways. Along with empathy for others who toil through pain and uncertainty, Christensen says his confrontations with mortality have given him a new perspective on death—and on life. ‘There is no virtue in long life,’ he says. ‘I never had framed it this way, but to ask for [God] to extend my life just to have a longer life just has no meaning.’ With his certainty about what is to come, Christensen says it makes little difference which side of the veil he labors on. ‘What matters is where can I do the most good?’”

Kids, and Perspective

This past Monday morning I still was not feeling very good, but towards the afternoon I started to feel better and better.  I was able to go and watch Meggan's first tennis match, and even played some tether ball with Lena and Sara (I killed them! :)  Who knew muscles could get sore from tether ball...)

Mindy and I went on a good walk yesterday, I got into the office and worked some, and we watched Brendan's tennis match also.

It is a bizarre thought that I might be through with the post-chemo cruddiness.  Mindy and I have been talking a lot about the feelings and thoughts that accompany this stage of my healing.  Through all of this we have obviously heard the stories and experiences of a lot of people who have gone through similar circumstances as mine.  It is difficult for us to think and believe that our experience with cancer is coming to an end for good.  We have heard of so many who have been in remission and who have had relapses.  We are trying to balance being excited about the healing, but continuing to submit ourselves to the will of our loving Heavenly Father.  We continue to look forward with faith to being fully healed, but we also continue to have the faith to not be healed, as Elder Bednar taught.

We also continue to also try to be submissive in terms of our schedule and our plans for life.  This has been a huge part of what we have been taught through this experience....that what we plan and what we expect in our lives is not as important as our day-to-day recognizing what Heavenly Father would have us learn and do.  This is an ongoing learning process, which we are grateful for.

Bad Days, Dehydration

Been feeling pretty cruddy this week...the last couple days have been worse. When I'm really not feeling good it's hard to do anything, including drink water like I'm supposed to. This isn't helpful for my body.  Last night I took a shower and as I was getting out, I passed out. I fell to the floor and came within inches of hitting my head on the baseboard heater. I came to, and Mindy helped me to the bed, etc.

I had a follow up appointment this morning, and they indicated that the passing out was probably due to being dehydrated. So I've been here at the CCNW clinic all morning getting a couple of liters of IV fluid. Blood counts are good today, which is positive.

The experience of being here in the Chemo Suite, after I was supposedly done with treatment, was mentally and emotionally difficult.

Looking forward to the cruddy days waning and starting to feel better and stronger.

More Journaling - The Roles of Suffering

More thoughts that have given me strength and comfort recently:

"...this I know;...God is for me."
Psalms 56:9

-------------------------------------------------------

"Suffering to develop strength will not exceed our ability to endure to the end.

"When Joseph Smith was in Liberty Jail, he cried to the Lord for comfort, and the Lord gave it to him. He said that 'if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.' (D&C 122:7.)

"Such trials give us the development of spirituality that we probably never would get if we didn’t have the experience where the very jaws of hell gape open their mouth wide after us. Not only must we survive, but we must develop the ability to have a concern for others while we are suffering. It is a key element in our spiritual growth. As we lose our lives in the service of our fellowmen, we find ourselves.

".....Suffering is universal; how we react to suffering is individual. Suffering can take us one of two ways. It can be a strengthening and purifying experience combined with faith, or it can be a destructive force in our lives if we do not have the faith in the Lord’s atoning sacrifice. The purpose of suffering, however, is to build and strengthen us. We learn obedience by the things we suffer. We should be humbled and drawn to the Lord..."
October 1983 General Conference, "Your Sorrow Shall Be Turned to Joy," Robert D. Hales

Chemotherapy - Round 6

I have felt really good the last couple of weeks.  I have been working a fair amount, and we've had visits from my sisters and both of our parents which we thoroughly enjoyed.  Things have been good.  We were wondering if another complication might creep up, but are glad nothing did.

Today's treatment went as expected with no complications.  I got blood drawn (as I do almost every time I go to the clinic) and we saw Dr. Danko's Nurse Practitioner, Teresa.  With how good I've been feeling, there wasn't much to report or talk about, and we got into the Chemotherapy Suite and started it up.  Our nurse, Linda, has worked in oncology for like 35 years and was very good.  

In addition to the R-CHOP regimen, I also received the extra drug Etoposide as I did with Round 3.  It is supposed to take an extra toll on the body.  I am preparing for a couple weeks of not feeling so good.

Mindy and I took a good walk when we got home this evening.  I cannot express enough how good it feels to know that if all things go as expected, this will be my last R-CHOP treatment...my 6th and final treatment.  This gives me great hope.

I go in Monday for my Neulasta shot, and we have a follow up appointment in about 10 days.  I will have a PET/CT scan in about 3 weeks to make sure the treatments are maintaining their effectiveness.

The general plan after the PET/CT scan is that I will receive Rituximab (the "R" in R-CHOP) for maintenance every 6 weeks or so for the next couple years.  This drug alone does not have the harsh effect on the body that R-CHOP has so that will be good.  And I will have PET/CT or CT scans every few months.

While we have great hope to be nearing the end of this season, we also have mixed feelings.  To quote Elder Neal A. Maxwell once again, "There are variations in our trials but no immunities. Thus, the scriptures cite the fiery furnace and fiery trials (see Dan. 3:6-26; 1 Pet. 4:12). Those who emerge successfully from their varied and fiery furnaces have experienced the grace of the Lord...Even so...such emerging individuals do not rush to line up in front of another fiery furnace in order to get an extra turn! However, since the mortal school is of such short duration, our tutoring Lord can be the Schoolmaster of the compressed curriculum."
(April 1997 General Conference, "From Whom All Blessings Flow")

While we look forward to some normalcy as it relates to home and family life, employment, church service, etc., we are also sad and hesitant to see the end of the "curriculum."  This season has been such a sanctifying and sacred time.  We are very grateful for a tender Father in Heaven who knows us individually and does and allows all things for our good and progress.  And we are very grateful to all of you for your prayers to Him on our behalf.

Home....again.

Got home this afternoon. Lena asked if I, "got past" the kidney stone yet. I told her not that I am aware of. Hoping that is uneventful.

Really grateful for the care received at Valley Hospital. They do a great job there.

Back in the Hospital

Back in the hospital.....wasn't doing well yesterday and this morning. Went into CCNW this morning with right side abdominal pain, and they admitted me across the street. Have done lots of tests again...they are saying kidney stone. We are always leery of other/more infections. 

Pain has subsided...we'll see what comes next.

The pain I experienced prior to going into CCNW this morning was about as bad as I've experienced.  As I grow in my knowledge of myself, the more I find I don't know about myself.  I feel like my faith and patience has grown in the past few months - but as I experienced that pain this morning, I became impatient and pessimistic.  

In Elder Bednar's CES Fireside on March 3rd he said, referencing a conversation he had with Elder Neal A. Maxwell, who went through Leukemia, "I asked Elder Maxwell what lessons he had learned through his illness. I will remember always the precise and penetrating answer he gave. 'Dave,' he said, 'I have learned that not shrinking is more important than surviving.'”

In my impatience and pessimism, I fear, and I desperately want to avoid, shrinking.

Family, and Chemotherapy - Round 5

We so enjoyed visits from my brother, Robert, and his family last week as well as my big sister and a few of her kids, and my parents.  We had a great time together.  We are so grateful for and energized by our loving families.

We met with Dr. Danko on Monday, and I had my 5th round of chemotherapy this past Tuesday, the 19th.  Things went as planned with nothing out of the ordinary.  

I don't know that I have expressed how grateful I am to have Mindy with me at all of my appointments and treatments.  She is such a strength to me, and a great comfort.  Despite the circumstances, we have both really enjoyed spending more time around one another these past few months.

I have been continuing to receive an IV antibiotic daily at the hospital, and there has not been any complications from the infection I experienced.  Last dose is Saturday.

So, as with the week or so following other treatments, I'll have a rough time for a bit but then have some good days which I look forward to.  While we've learned enough to know we cannot predict or plan what the future holds, it is an incredible mental and morale boost to know that I only have 1 more round of chemotherapy.

And as always, we are so grateful to see, feel, and experience the hand of a loving Heavenly Father in our lives, and we are also so grateful for loving, supportive, and helpful friends and family.

More Journaling - God's Plan is Always Better

Very inspirational to me this evening...a beautiful video with beautiful messages.

-“We don’t know what the Lord is trying to teach us, but if I really trust Heavenly Father it really doesn’t matter what I don’t understand.” 

-“I know that God has a plan for me that usually is totally different than the plan that I have for myself.  It’s not always easier but it’s always better.” 

-“…with faith in God I have everything.”

Confusing Circumstances - End

Feeling good now, and I'm home. They determined the specific antibiotic that will be effective with my specific bacteria. I will actually go to the hospital at 1pm each day for the next 12 days or so, and get an IV antibiotic...apparently only takes 20 minutes or so. So glad to be home. I hope to stay bug-free. 

We spoke to Dr. Danko today. I will not be getting chemo tomorrow. We will visit with Dr. Danko in a week, and will do next chemo a week from tomorrow. He also said that with a completely clean scan, he plans on only TWO more treatments instead of four. We are very excited for that news. We feel very blessed.

More Journaling - My Desire

“….this life never was intended to be easy. It is a probationary estate in which we are tested physically, mentally, morally, and spiritually. We are subject to disease and decay. We are attacked by cancer, leprosy, and contagious diseases. We suffer pain and sorrow and afflictions. Disasters strike; floods sweep away our homes; famines destroy our food;
plagues and wars fill our graves with dead bodies and our broken homes with sorrow…. 

"As to the individual trials and problems that befall any of us, all we need say is that in the wisdom of Him who knows all things, and who does all the things well, all of us are given the particular and specific tests that we need in our personal situations. It is to us, His saints, that the Lord speaks when He says: “I will prove you in all things, whether you will abide in my covenant, even unto death, that you may be found worthy.” (D&C 98:14.)…….. 

"Where the true Saints are concerned there is no sorrow in death except that which attends a temporary separation from loved ones. Birth and death are both essential steps in the unfolding drama of eternity… 

"Now, we do not seek death, though it is part of the merciful plan of the great Creator. Rather, we rejoice in life, and desire to live as long as we can be of service to our fellowmen. Faithful saints are a leaven of righteousness in a wicked world. 

"But sometimes the Lord’s people are hounded and persecuted. Sometimes He deliberately lets His faithful saints linger and suffer, in both body and spirit, to prove them in all things, and to see if they will abide in His covenant, even unto death, that they may be found worthy of eternal life. If such be the lot of any of us, so be it. 

"But come what may, anything that befalls us here in mortality is but for a small moment, and if we are true and faithful God will eventually exalt us on high. All our losses and sufferings will be made up to us in the resurrection…….and God shall wipe away all tears…. 

"We rejoice in life. We rejoice in death. We have no desires except to do the will of Him whose we are and to dwell with Him in His kingdom at the appointed time."

The Dead Who Die in the Lord - Bruce R. McConkie - October 1976 General Conference

Fantastic News, Confusing Circumstances

I felt good again yesterday, attended a funeral in the morning and worked at the office in the afternoon. As I went home around 4.45pm I started having some chills. They got worse and worse and within an hour I had a fever also. As per instructions we called the on call doctor, and headed to the ER. I felt like garbage and we waited for about an hour. We got back into a room in the ER, and the tests began (chest x-ray, flu, blood cultures, etc.). Chills stopped and fever went down, all tests negative, but into the night my blood pressure was and stayed too low. They weren't sure, and didn't have answers, and so we were given the option to go home or stay for observation.  Mindy wasn't comfortable with going home, and invited the ER doc to communicate with the CCNW on call doctor.  Ultimately we pushed for staying.  So I was admitted and am still here.

It's been determined that ultimately I'm dealing with sepsis, and I'm in the ICU.

IV fluids through the night and antibiotics and steroids today. I feel OK other than tired. Did an ECG earlier. Don't think we know the results of that yet but everything else seems normal, so they are baffled as to the cause thus far. Blood pressure higher today but not high enough, and fever came back. More docs coming today to try to figure things out.

The fantastic news?........Mindy just spoke with Dr. Danko by phone and PET scan was completely clean (his words were, "clean as a whistle!")!! We are ecstatic!

We love you all and will keep you up to date.

Update - Post Scan

The scan went well today (as far as I know). I had to eat an all-protein (and nothing else) diet yesterday which interestingly was not easy. And I had to not eat anything today until after the scan. We went in this morning and they accessed my port. They then inject a solution into me. While doing this they saw that I had an appt scheduled with my oncologist (though the nurse practitioner again today) this afternoon, so they said they would mark my scan "STAT" and we would be able to discuss results today at the appointment. More on that later. With the solution in me I sat in a room by myself for almost an hour (while the solution does it's thing), then I did the scan. I laid down on a board/bench thing, they taped my head to the board, arms at my side and kinda strapped in my arms, and then the technician left the room. The machine started and the bench went back and forth with pauses, for about 20-30 minutes.

I'm not claustrophobic so that's not an issue, but it's an interesting thing mentally to know radiation is going into/through my body...like a 20-minute x-ray (they then instructed me to not be around pregnant women, babies, or children for 24 hours...weird feeling to be radioactive). It was good to eat again.

So, this afternoon at the appt with Teresa we found out my blood counts bounced back up which is good. I could tell because I've really felt good this week. I put in 5 hours (my current limit while on disability) at the office on both Monday and Tuesday. It feels so good to....feel good. And wouldn't you know it...the scan results were not in..so we wait until next week. We are grateful that we can find out and discuss the results with Dr. Danko.

We continue to feel blessed, watched over, and grateful. And we love you all.

Journaling Some Meaningful Quotes of Late

"Zoram... could see God’s providence or man’s manipulation. In conditions not of his choosing, he had to decide how to view himself....He had to decide whether to exercise faith and, in so doing, see his difficult, even unfair, circumstances as the very means by which God would bless him if he acted right."
David B. Paxman, BYU Devotional, July 27, 2010

"I know that my Redeemer liveth;" with Job I testify. What though the ravages of disease destroy my body; what though I am slain by the sword of death—yet I know that he who bought me with his blood shall soon reign on earth and that “in my flesh shall I see God.” (Job 19:26; see also Job 19:25.)  
Bruce R. McConkie, October 1984 General Conference

The entirety of Elder Bednar's March 3, 2013 CES address.  If you have not yet seen or read it, take some time to.

The Pavilion, and a Checkup

Thursday and Friday after treatment weren't great, but Saturday wasn't so bad. I was able to attend part of church on Sunday, then Monday and yesterday were not good at all. Today has been a little better and I hope I'm through the worst of it for this round.

There are times in which it feels that all of this is dragging on, and will not end.  I recently re-read one of President Eyring's most recent General Conference addresses in which he expressed, "We remove the pavilion when we feel and pray, 'Thy will be done' and 'in Thine own time.' His time should be soon enough for us since we know that He wants only what is best."  This provided great peace for me this week.  I am grateful for inspired prophets.

We had a routine check up today with Dr. Danko's NP again. My blood counts decreased again, which isn't abnormal. I didn't have to go back on antibiotics but will need to avoid crowds and such again. The assumption is that my counts will bounce back up in the next couple/few days and all will be fine. Looking forward to the scan next week!

Chemotherapy - Round 4, PET Scan Scheduled, and Family

I had my 4th round of chemotherapy this past Wednesday, the 20th.  We typically check in at CCNW in the morning, get my bloodwork done, see Dr. Danko, then start the chemo.

We did all of that but saw Dr. Danko's nurse practitioner, Teresa Ogden, instead. She was nice and the visit was more brief than we typically have with Dr. Danko.  She let us know that I would NOT be getting the extra drug (Etoposide) today due to my recent dental work.

So we got the chemo going relatively early, and got done around 2:30pm which was nice.  During chemo round 3 I developed a stomach ache for some reason and dealt with that throughout the treatment and into the evening. Luckily I didn't have that this time...I was grateful for that.

As you'll recall, I was to get 4 chemotherapy treatments and then a PET scan.  The scan is scheduled for March 6th.  We're guessing we will find out the results of that at our visit with Dr. Danko just before chemotherapy round 5 on March 12th.  We try to not allow the results of this upcoming scan mean the end of the world, or that I'm 100% cured, but we are definitely anxious for these results as they mean so much in determining the future.  It is 100% in the hands of Heavenly Father.

In the past I have had a good day or two right after the treatments, then deal with a bad week or so.  I didn't get that this time...Thursday and Friday weren't great, but today isn't so bad.  

I went in for my post-op check up with the dentist yesterday..everything healing well with no complications which was great news.

Missy and her kids visited last night...she's in town for Trey's playoff basketball game at University High School this evening..our rival high school here in Spokane Valley.  Mindy and the kids are heading over now to go swimming with them.

Treatment Plan, Postponed Round 4

On Wed, Feb 13, 2013 at 4:32 PM, Mindy Reimer <mindyjreim@gmail.com> wrote:

Dear Family and Friends,

Happy Valentines Eve!

We want to express our love and appreciation for each of you.  We are so grateful for the love, prayers, service and concern you have continued to show our family during this
time. We feel peace and strength through answered prayers and support that sustains us during the ups of downs of this experience.  We are just so grateful to all of you!

Round 3 of chemotherapy went well.  It was a little harder on Brad’s body this time, due to the addition of Etoposide, but still manageable.  We met with Dr. Danko each week during this past three week period between chemo treatments.  The first week Brad’s white blood count had dropped significantly (which is a normal side-effect of chemotherapy) so he was
put on antibiotics and stayed away from crowds.  We were grateful that his counts were back up the second week.  During this visit with Dr. Danko, he shared with us the plan that he had decided upon after speaking with his colleague about Brad’s transformed lymphoma. 

The plan is to finish with Round 4 of RCHOP plus Etoposide.   Three weeks following Round 4, Brad will have a PET scan.  If the PET scan is completely clean, Brad has had a Complete Response (cancer not found), which will be followed with four more rounds (two more than originally planned) of RCHOP plus Etoposide, another PET scan, and maintenance therapy for 2 years (because of the Follicular - low-grade - component).   If the PET scan is not clean, meaning cancer is still found, Brad will have four more rounds of RCHOP plus Etoposide, another PET scan, and most likely a bone marrow transplant.   Then we will go from there.   So this next PET scan will give us an idea of what we will be dealing with. 

This last week Brad has been able to work a bit and has had a few really good days.  

Round 4 was scheduled for tomorrow (we were totally excited about spending the whole Valentine’s day together in the Chemotherapy suite :), but Brad had a tooth bothering him yesterday, so we saw his dentist  this morning and he will be having two teeth pulled tomorrow instead.  (Brad would much rather have Chemo!)  So, Round 4 has been rescheduled for next Wednesday.  The PET scan will be around 3 weeks after round 4, so we will be hearing results about a month from now.  We look forward to those results and more practice in waiting on the Lord.

So, on we go.  Again, we just really appreciate you all.  We hope you are doing well.  Enjoy your Valentine’s Day with your families tomorrow!

Love,

Brad and Mindy

Release, Results, and Chemotherapy - Round 3

On Fri, Jan 25, 2013 at 8:54 AM, Brad Reimer <mindnbrad@gmail.com> wrote:

All,

We keep expressing it, but it is constantly true...we love and appreciate you all so much. We appreciate and greatly value your thoughts and prayers in our behalf.  We appreciate you transporting kids, making posters and orange juice, texts to check in, cards and thoughtful emails, and all of the little things you do to show your love.  We love and appreciate you.  Navigating this experience without all of you would be significantly more difficult.

Things were relatively rough that first week after my second treatment.  A lot of days of just feeling cruddy (they say the number of those days likely increases with each successive
treatment).  However, the last two weeks I really felt fantastic--probably the best since before all of this started.  It was great to be able to engage more, attend church all three hours, and I even was able to start back to work for just a couple/few hours per day.

For those that don't already know, I was released from my calling as Bishop of our ward.  Our Stake President is a wonderful, tender, inspired man, and we are so grateful for
him.  This decision was not an easy one for him and it took time, much prayer, and counsel with his wonderful counselors.  When he extended the release he shared the following scripture with Mindy and I:

Doctrine and Covenants 124:49 Verily, verily, I say unto you, that when I give a commandment to any of the sons of men to do a work unto my name, and those sons of men go with all their might and with all they have to perform that work, and cease not their diligence, and their enemies come upon them and hinder them from performing that work, behold, it behooveth me to require that work no more at the hands of those sons of men, but to accept of their offerings.

This scripture deeply touched me, and has helped to make sense of the release.  All is right.  I am SO grateful that our ward has an active, engaged, fully functioning bishop and bishopric again.  I could not be more grateful for my counselors and their support through the tail end of my service.

As normal we met with Dr. Danko prior to my third chemo treatment yesterday morning.  We did get test results back and it has been determined that my Lymphoma started out as
Follicular, and has transformed into Large B-Cell Lymphoma.  You may recall that of the two options (two completely separate types, or one type transformed into another) this is the less positive scenario.  Initially, it means that the nature/aggressiveness of the chemotherapy increases (yesterday, on top of the normal R-CHOP regimen they added a drug called Etoposide).  Dr. Danko discussed a couple of other regimens (with acronyms I cannot recall) that will be considered.  He also mentioned that a stem cell transplant
(with my own stem cells...not a donor) may be considered for treatment at some point.  In terms of prognosis, you'll recall that in our December 4th email we spoke of the International Prognostic Index.  It discusses DLBCL, and also Follicular, but not this specific transformed type.  We have more to learn.  Dr. Danko said that the previous percentage of a 70-80% survival rate over 5 years is no longer applicable, and general prognosis with transformed he said was, "not good."  We don't know what that means specifically and for some reason didn't ask specifics yesterday.  He is consulting with other professionals and we have no doubt will come up with the best treatment possible.  We have an appt with him on the 31st where we may learn further specifics in terms of prognosis.

So, third treatment yesterday went fine.  I became pale and had a stomach ache through
most of it, and throughout the day and into the night, but this morning I feel better. Everything else was typical. Gearing up for some likely cruddy days, and looking forward to the good ones after that!

My parents came to visit on the 7th and we had a wonderful time for a few days.  Mindy's parents came into town Monday evening and we have been so grateful for their help also.  Again, we feel so thankful for our blessings.

We love you all.

Brad and Mindy

Post Round 2, and Waiting

On Jan 7, 2013, at 12:19 PM, Brad Reimer <mindnbrad@gmail.com> wrote:

Dear friends and family (written by Mindy),

Brad is doing well. He had a little rougher first couple of days after this second-go-round
of chemotherapy.  Today, though, he is feeling pretty well.

In an email a few weeks ago we had written, “Brad’s labs show that some of the tumor has a component of Follicular Lymphoma.  Dr. Danko is asking a lab to be done on the IGH gene rearrangement of both the DLBCL and the Follicular cells.  Treatment and prognosis depend upon if the DLBCL cells originated on their own, or came from the Follicular cells.  So, we are waiting on more tests there.”  Since then we have been learning more online and waiting and wanting to know whether Brad has two different types of lymphoma or if it is Transformed Lymphoma.

Brad had a Nuelasta shot today (it is used to reduce the risk of infection in patients with some tumors receiving strong chemotherapy that decreases the number of infection-fighting white blood cells).   We (and Dr. Danko) were hoping for results and a chance to discuss those results when Brad went in for his shot, but the results are just not in yet.

It is interesting, because as we have learned more, we have been anxious to know more.  It can be somewhat disappointing to not know.

But we both laughed as we were leaving the Dr.s office.  We must need to learn some patience.  It is better to wait on the Lord than to wait on the labs so that is what we are going to do :).

We know we had let a few of you know we would share the results with you today. We will let you know when we know.

We love and appreciate you.  We have been so blessed by all of your love, concern, prayers, and service.  It is hard to express in words how truly grateful we are to you all.

Love,

Brad and Mindy

First 2013 Update, and Chemotherapy Round 2

On Sat, Jan 5, 2013 at 11:21 PM, Brad Reimer <mindnbrad@gmail.com> wrote:

All,

We're doing OK these days. A few days ago I felt the best I have in weeks. I have learned (OK, still learning..) not to let a good day predict how I will feel the next day, however (not easy for me by personality). Talked to the HR folks at my work about weaning myself back into things. I ran out of vacation/sick and we went ahead with disability insurance for now. Not easy decisions..

This past Thursday night Mindy and I attended the weekly support group at Cancer Care Northwest (the clinic where I'm being treated) for the first time. Was a wonderful experience. Mindy and I took away several amazing "nuggets" from some of the VERY special attendees. Felt like we were on sacred ground for much of the time. Really great experience.

And then, met with Dr. Danko and had second round of chemo Friday. It was much shorter this time which was nice. Have felt a little cruddier this time than I did after first round but oh well. In the big picture I definitely feel like I'm progressing. As the social worker leading the group said, I still feel like I'm "surviving" and not "thriving" yet.

We're still waiting on a test that is pivotal in regards to long term prognosis (something relative to a follicular dynamic I have, and transformation as Mindy partially explained previously...Mindy is the expert as you can tell :). That creates some stress when we let it. Mindy researched it online some more...which can be but sometimes isn't a good thing...

Had a surprise visit from Missy (my sister) and Frank this afternoon. They just wanted to come over to visit for a few hours. It was wonderful, and great to get hugs from my big sister. I love and cherish each member of my family of origin. They are so dear to me.

Attended our adult session of stake conference (this is a description of a stake, and this is a description of stake conference) this evening and it was wonderful. I love our stake and stake leaders. A counselor in the stake presidency spoke about adversity, and testified that Heavenly Father does not allow us to be tempted nor tried more than we can handle. I believe this with all of my heart, and I enjoyed his talk. For our closing hymn we sang hymn number 6, Redeemer of Israel. I felt the Spirit so strongly throughout the entire him, I didn't hardly sing any of it. I am so grateful for my Redeemer and to have the privilege of feeling his Spirit comforting me when I need it.

We love you all. More to come.

Brad and Mindy