More Journaling - My Desire

“….this life never was intended to be easy. It is a probationary estate in which we are tested physically, mentally, morally, and spiritually. We are subject to disease and decay. We are attacked by cancer, leprosy, and contagious diseases. We suffer pain and sorrow and afflictions. Disasters strike; floods sweep away our homes; famines destroy our food;
plagues and wars fill our graves with dead bodies and our broken homes with sorrow…. 

"As to the individual trials and problems that befall any of us, all we need say is that in the wisdom of Him who knows all things, and who does all the things well, all of us are given the particular and specific tests that we need in our personal situations. It is to us, His saints, that the Lord speaks when He says: “I will prove you in all things, whether you will abide in my covenant, even unto death, that you may be found worthy.” (D&C 98:14.)…….. 

"Where the true Saints are concerned there is no sorrow in death except that which attends a temporary separation from loved ones. Birth and death are both essential steps in the unfolding drama of eternity… 

"Now, we do not seek death, though it is part of the merciful plan of the great Creator. Rather, we rejoice in life, and desire to live as long as we can be of service to our fellowmen. Faithful saints are a leaven of righteousness in a wicked world. 

"But sometimes the Lord’s people are hounded and persecuted. Sometimes He deliberately lets His faithful saints linger and suffer, in both body and spirit, to prove them in all things, and to see if they will abide in His covenant, even unto death, that they may be found worthy of eternal life. If such be the lot of any of us, so be it. 

"But come what may, anything that befalls us here in mortality is but for a small moment, and if we are true and faithful God will eventually exalt us on high. All our losses and sufferings will be made up to us in the resurrection…….and God shall wipe away all tears…. 

"We rejoice in life. We rejoice in death. We have no desires except to do the will of Him whose we are and to dwell with Him in His kingdom at the appointed time."

The Dead Who Die in the Lord - Bruce R. McConkie - October 1976 General Conference

Fantastic News, Confusing Circumstances

I felt good again yesterday, attended a funeral in the morning and worked at the office in the afternoon. As I went home around 4.45pm I started having some chills. They got worse and worse and within an hour I had a fever also. As per instructions we called the on call doctor, and headed to the ER. I felt like garbage and we waited for about an hour. We got back into a room in the ER, and the tests began (chest x-ray, flu, blood cultures, etc.). Chills stopped and fever went down, all tests negative, but into the night my blood pressure was and stayed too low. They weren't sure, and didn't have answers, and so we were given the option to go home or stay for observation.  Mindy wasn't comfortable with going home, and invited the ER doc to communicate with the CCNW on call doctor.  Ultimately we pushed for staying.  So I was admitted and am still here.

It's been determined that ultimately I'm dealing with sepsis, and I'm in the ICU.

IV fluids through the night and antibiotics and steroids today. I feel OK other than tired. Did an ECG earlier. Don't think we know the results of that yet but everything else seems normal, so they are baffled as to the cause thus far. Blood pressure higher today but not high enough, and fever came back. More docs coming today to try to figure things out.

The fantastic news?........Mindy just spoke with Dr. Danko by phone and PET scan was completely clean (his words were, "clean as a whistle!")!! We are ecstatic!

We love you all and will keep you up to date.

Update - Post Scan

The scan went well today (as far as I know). I had to eat an all-protein (and nothing else) diet yesterday which interestingly was not easy. And I had to not eat anything today until after the scan. We went in this morning and they accessed my port. They then inject a solution into me. While doing this they saw that I had an appt scheduled with my oncologist (though the nurse practitioner again today) this afternoon, so they said they would mark my scan "STAT" and we would be able to discuss results today at the appointment. More on that later. With the solution in me I sat in a room by myself for almost an hour (while the solution does it's thing), then I did the scan. I laid down on a board/bench thing, they taped my head to the board, arms at my side and kinda strapped in my arms, and then the technician left the room. The machine started and the bench went back and forth with pauses, for about 20-30 minutes.

I'm not claustrophobic so that's not an issue, but it's an interesting thing mentally to know radiation is going into/through my body...like a 20-minute x-ray (they then instructed me to not be around pregnant women, babies, or children for 24 hours...weird feeling to be radioactive). It was good to eat again.

So, this afternoon at the appt with Teresa we found out my blood counts bounced back up which is good. I could tell because I've really felt good this week. I put in 5 hours (my current limit while on disability) at the office on both Monday and Tuesday. It feels so good to....feel good. And wouldn't you know it...the scan results were not in..so we wait until next week. We are grateful that we can find out and discuss the results with Dr. Danko.

We continue to feel blessed, watched over, and grateful. And we love you all.

Journaling Some Meaningful Quotes of Late

"Zoram... could see God’s providence or man’s manipulation. In conditions not of his choosing, he had to decide how to view himself....He had to decide whether to exercise faith and, in so doing, see his difficult, even unfair, circumstances as the very means by which God would bless him if he acted right."
David B. Paxman, BYU Devotional, July 27, 2010

"I know that my Redeemer liveth;" with Job I testify. What though the ravages of disease destroy my body; what though I am slain by the sword of death—yet I know that he who bought me with his blood shall soon reign on earth and that “in my flesh shall I see God.” (Job 19:26; see also Job 19:25.)  
Bruce R. McConkie, October 1984 General Conference

The entirety of Elder Bednar's March 3, 2013 CES address.  If you have not yet seen or read it, take some time to.

The Pavilion, and a Checkup

Thursday and Friday after treatment weren't great, but Saturday wasn't so bad. I was able to attend part of church on Sunday, then Monday and yesterday were not good at all. Today has been a little better and I hope I'm through the worst of it for this round.

There are times in which it feels that all of this is dragging on, and will not end.  I recently re-read one of President Eyring's most recent General Conference addresses in which he expressed, "We remove the pavilion when we feel and pray, 'Thy will be done' and 'in Thine own time.' His time should be soon enough for us since we know that He wants only what is best."  This provided great peace for me this week.  I am grateful for inspired prophets.

We had a routine check up today with Dr. Danko's NP again. My blood counts decreased again, which isn't abnormal. I didn't have to go back on antibiotics but will need to avoid crowds and such again. The assumption is that my counts will bounce back up in the next couple/few days and all will be fine. Looking forward to the scan next week!

Chemotherapy - Round 4, PET Scan Scheduled, and Family

I had my 4th round of chemotherapy this past Wednesday, the 20th.  We typically check in at CCNW in the morning, get my bloodwork done, see Dr. Danko, then start the chemo.

We did all of that but saw Dr. Danko's nurse practitioner, Teresa Ogden, instead. She was nice and the visit was more brief than we typically have with Dr. Danko.  She let us know that I would NOT be getting the extra drug (Etoposide) today due to my recent dental work.

So we got the chemo going relatively early, and got done around 2:30pm which was nice.  During chemo round 3 I developed a stomach ache for some reason and dealt with that throughout the treatment and into the evening. Luckily I didn't have that this time...I was grateful for that.

As you'll recall, I was to get 4 chemotherapy treatments and then a PET scan.  The scan is scheduled for March 6th.  We're guessing we will find out the results of that at our visit with Dr. Danko just before chemotherapy round 5 on March 12th.  We try to not allow the results of this upcoming scan mean the end of the world, or that I'm 100% cured, but we are definitely anxious for these results as they mean so much in determining the future.  It is 100% in the hands of Heavenly Father.

In the past I have had a good day or two right after the treatments, then deal with a bad week or so.  I didn't get that this time...Thursday and Friday weren't great, but today isn't so bad.  

I went in for my post-op check up with the dentist yesterday..everything healing well with no complications which was great news.

Missy and her kids visited last night...she's in town for Trey's playoff basketball game at University High School this evening..our rival high school here in Spokane Valley.  Mindy and the kids are heading over now to go swimming with them.

Treatment Plan, Postponed Round 4

On Wed, Feb 13, 2013 at 4:32 PM, Mindy Reimer <mindyjreim@gmail.com> wrote:

Dear Family and Friends,

Happy Valentines Eve!

We want to express our love and appreciation for each of you.  We are so grateful for the love, prayers, service and concern you have continued to show our family during this
time. We feel peace and strength through answered prayers and support that sustains us during the ups of downs of this experience.  We are just so grateful to all of you!

Round 3 of chemotherapy went well.  It was a little harder on Brad’s body this time, due to the addition of Etoposide, but still manageable.  We met with Dr. Danko each week during this past three week period between chemo treatments.  The first week Brad’s white blood count had dropped significantly (which is a normal side-effect of chemotherapy) so he was
put on antibiotics and stayed away from crowds.  We were grateful that his counts were back up the second week.  During this visit with Dr. Danko, he shared with us the plan that he had decided upon after speaking with his colleague about Brad’s transformed lymphoma. 

The plan is to finish with Round 4 of RCHOP plus Etoposide.   Three weeks following Round 4, Brad will have a PET scan.  If the PET scan is completely clean, Brad has had a Complete Response (cancer not found), which will be followed with four more rounds (two more than originally planned) of RCHOP plus Etoposide, another PET scan, and maintenance therapy for 2 years (because of the Follicular - low-grade - component).   If the PET scan is not clean, meaning cancer is still found, Brad will have four more rounds of RCHOP plus Etoposide, another PET scan, and most likely a bone marrow transplant.   Then we will go from there.   So this next PET scan will give us an idea of what we will be dealing with. 

This last week Brad has been able to work a bit and has had a few really good days.  

Round 4 was scheduled for tomorrow (we were totally excited about spending the whole Valentine’s day together in the Chemotherapy suite :), but Brad had a tooth bothering him yesterday, so we saw his dentist  this morning and he will be having two teeth pulled tomorrow instead.  (Brad would much rather have Chemo!)  So, Round 4 has been rescheduled for next Wednesday.  The PET scan will be around 3 weeks after round 4, so we will be hearing results about a month from now.  We look forward to those results and more practice in waiting on the Lord.

So, on we go.  Again, we just really appreciate you all.  We hope you are doing well.  Enjoy your Valentine’s Day with your families tomorrow!

Love,

Brad and Mindy